Hey there, how’re you?
So, I had a convo with someone yesterday and she voiced something I’ve always thought true. Had a similar conversation with a friend dealing with a situation a while ago. I’ve deduced that half the time, people in toxic situations know what they’re in; the will to leave is there, it’s the fear of the unknown that’s the problem. Does this sound familiar? If it does, you should read this till the end.
Some months ago, I quit my radio job. It came as a surprise to most people, to my mum and the few people I’d carried along the journey it wasn’t. I was tittering on the edge of this decision since January. It took 6 months to finally muster the courage to bounce, but I did and never looked back. See, I love radio. I love curating fire playlists, I loved my show and my listeners, I loved sharing amazing music with strangers. Strangers who’d bump into me and tell me they love my music taste. But it was starting to choke me. Most times I’d feel like there was a tight noose on my neck when I was in the studio. I knew my time there was up and I had to move. It was really becoming toxic. How do I know this? Yunno when you think of something or someone and there’s no smile coming to your face immediately?? Just mental exhaustion and exasperation?? That’s TOXIC right there.
My fears were centred around life without radio, for me and the folks I affected; all aftermaths of my decision. For me, I was bothered about how my productivity would be affected. I thrive on utter productivity; lack of it, makes me sick. I was also bothered I’ll lose relevance. The emerging music community in Jos and beyond lent me some relevance because I was intent on putting their music on. (I lost some of it, I’ll talk about this someday). But I knew at the end I had to choose ME first. If i wasn’t there anymore, these people would find my replacement eventually. So I defied all attachments, listed pros and cons, and left.
In whatever toxic situation you’re in, your first thoughts should be about yourself. A relationship, situationship, workplace, neighbourhood, etc. ME first before anything else. If your mind isn’t healthy, every part of you gets affected. I know your biggest fear is what’ll happen after that big step. Here are some practical steps on dealing with the uncertainty:
Be sincere with yourself about the toxicity you’re in.
List the pros and cons of staying. I actually put pen to paper when I needed to fix myself up.
Make the decision and stay determined to stick with it; I think a better word is resilience sef. Force yourself. If need be, inform a close friend or family member or partner, so they hold you accountable.
Set real expectations for yourself. Truth is, you may relapse. I have relapsed into talking to folks I know are no good for me, I’m human afterall. Stay conscious of your end goal; it’d help get you back on track when you relapse.
If you’re religious, PRAY. I don’t underrate the power of God and his helping hands. That’s my gee for real. The tiniest prayers that seem irrelevant, He answers. A simple and sincere “help me” is all you need.
Stay positive that you’ll be alright at the end. Life itself is uncertain. and you get through everyday just fine.
In all, I think the statement “the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t” is a statement designed to stop people from being daring. It encourages comfort zones, familiarity and monotonous lives and actions.. If you’re as unsettled a person as I am, these things may bore you. So, I’m telling you : THE ANGEL YOU DON’T KNOW, MIGHT BRING BLESSINGS YOU’VE NEVER EXPERIENCED.
Love and ease, Fanii.