The Art of Soft Ghosting: A Lagos Love Story

Sometimes, disappearing quietly is the kindest thing you can do—for both your sanity and your screen time.

Hey there, me again.

Today’s gist? Ghosting.

Once upon a time, I hated being ghosted. But then I self-discovered the avoidant in me, and suddenly… ghosting became self-care. It’s not wickedness, it’s just me choosing peace, or running away from my problems, who knows?

Coming from a dysfunctional home means I carry anxiety, a splash of depression, I love to isolate and a solid dose of avoidance. Today, we focus on that last one. Having bad anxiety + being avoidant is a wild combo — I’m either spiraling or radio silent, both extreme. Shout-out to my parents, I guess, hehe.

So, I liked a man. Liked — past tense. Because when you’re standing on business, there’s no room for guilt after closing the door. I catch feelings quick, but I also clock out just as fast at the first red flag or weird vibe. (Don’t make that face; it’s not a textbook situation and I’m not a robot). I also give people chances and let my guard down every now and then; case in study, Mr. A from last year. (Stuff I always regret, but hey, experiences, life and lessons, yeah)

Anyway, turns out he had a girlfriend. I felt bad for what I was about to do, for 5 minutes, maybe cried some tears. The man didn’t even know. what I was up to, and I was just gonna cut him out??

What sealed it? A convo with a mutual friend — apparently our man is a community boyfriend. In everyone's DMs, flirting for sport. Suddenly, my guilt evaporated. I went ghost. He’ll survive. His girlfriend might too (or not).

You see, blocking feels too dramatic, ghosting though… very graceful and Fanii-like.

My lesson from the previous week is when you think Lagos men have shown you the lowest they can go, they dig deeper in the murkiest waters. It’s wild. Especially since I retired my toxic, nonchalant phase and fully embraced my lover girl era. I’m tilapia, they’re mudfish, and their habitat shocks me. These men, though? They make my previous encounters look like saints.

I’ve decided though to swim in their murky waters and see who cries first. 23, is looking great from where I stand already.

I’ll keep you posted, or not 🤷‍♀️

Love, and just a dash of wickedness,
Fanii